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Helping Yourself
Types of Abuse and Early Warning Signs
According to recent statistics, it is extremely likely that you or someone
you know have experienced violence in a dating relationship. Dating violence
can take many forms, including psychological and emotional abuse, physical
abuse, and sexual abuse. It can occur in the context of casual dating
or serious long-term relationships.
Psychological and Emotional Abuse
If a boyfriend or girlfriend humiliates, insults, or swears at you, you
are experiencing psychological and emotional abuse. Other examples include:
attempting to control a boyfriend or girlfriend's activities, trying to
destroy his or her self-confidence and self-esteem, and isolating the
person from other friends and family. Threats of violence are also abusive
and should always be taken seriously.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse includes such things as: hitting, slapping, punching, shoving,
kicking, biting, and hair-pulling. It also includes the use of a weapon,
such as a club, knife, or gun, against a boyfriend or girlfriend.Both
teenage boys and teenage girls report being victims of physical violence
in relationships. Typically, however, teenage boys and teenage girls use
physical force for different reasons and with different results. While
both tend to report acting violently because they were angry, teenage
boys are much more likely to use force in order to control their girlfriends,
while girls more often act violently in self-defense.Teenage girls suffer
more from relationship violence, emotionally and physically. They are
much more likely than teenage boys to have serious injuries and to report
being terrified. In contrast, male victims seldom seem to fear violence
by their dates or girlfriends, often saying that the attacks did not hurt
and that they found the violence amusing.
Sexual Abuse
The term, sexual abuse, refers to forced or unwanted sexual activity or
rape. It is also considered sexual abuse to coerce or pressure someone
to engage in sexual activity or try to engage in sexual activity with
someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.Teenage girls in
heterosexual relationships are much more likely than teenage boys to suffer
from sexual abuse.
How frequently does dating violence occur?
It is difficult to say because different studies and surveys ask about
it in different ways and get very different results. Some studies only
ask about physical abuse, while others include questions about psychological
and emotional abuse and sexual violence. Past estimates of dating violence
among middle school and high school students range from 28% to 96%.One
recent national survey found that 1 in 11 high-school students said they
had been hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend
or girlfriend in the past year. 1 in 11 students also reported that they
had been forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to.Far
greater numbers of teens (as high as 96%) report emotional and psychological
abuse in their dating relationships.
What You Can Do
Know the early warning signs that you're in a dating situation or relationship
that could have the potential to become violent.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend pressures you, soon after you begin dating,
to make the relationship very serious, or presses you to have sex.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend becomes extremely jealous and possessive,
and thinks these destructive displays of emotion are signs of love.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend tries to control you and to forcefully
make all decisions where the two of you are concerned, refusing to take
your views or desires seriously. He/she may also try to keep you from
spending time with close friends or family.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend verbally and emotionally abuses you by
doing such things as yelling at you, swearing at you, manipulating you,
spreading false and degrading rumors about you, and trying to make you
feel guilty.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend drinks too much or uses drugs and then
later blames the alcohol and drugs for his/her behavior.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend threatens physical violence.
- Your boyfriend or girlfriend has abused a previous boyfriend or girlfriend
or accepts and defends the use of violence by others.
If you're in a dating relationship that in any way
feels uncomfortable, awkward, tense or even frightening, trust your feelings
and get out of it. It couldbecome, or may already be, abusive.
Always remember: You have every right
to say no. No boyfriend or girlfriend has the right to tell you what you
can or should do, what you can or should wear, or what kind of friends
you should have.
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