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Relationship Warning Sign Checklist...
Is your relationship healthy?
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP- This is a good dating relationship
for now.
- Both are feeling good about self, feel good individually whether in
a relationship or not Shared interests, shared power and decision making,
shared values
- Normal ups & downs, lots more ups than downs
- Can disagree and solve problems without verbal or physical abuse
- Relationship is one part of a well-rounded life of friends, family,
school, sports, hobbies, Spiritual life
- Both enjoy the company of other people and support individual interests
and friendships of their boyfriend/girlfriend
UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP- This may have been a good thing
once, but is no longer a well-balanced and enjoyable dating relationship-
it is time to cut the ties to this relationship and move on...
- One or both are not enjoying the relationship much - lots of drama
or boredom, not much fun
- Not many shared interests or values, or differ on important interests
and values
- Can disagree and solve problems fairly, but there are a lot of disagreements
and problems
- Can disagree and solve problems fairly, but there are a lot of disagreements
and problems
- One partner sees relationship as much more important than the other
one does- one is getting "too serious" or too dependent
- One partner has violated trust or hurt the other in a way that is
hard to repair
- Have just grown apart- not very interested in each other any more-
its more of a habit than anything else
- Feel sadness, hurt, anger, and failure about breaking up, but open
to the possibility of new relationships
ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP- Alarm bells going off. Someone
is getting hurt and will probably need help with safety planning and support
in order to safely break up.
- One has decreasing self-esteem since entering this relationship.
- The interests, values, desires of one person dominate the relationship.
- One is using name-calling, threats, intimidation, insults, manipulation,
physical or sexual abuse to force the other one to do things.
- One or both are becoming more secretive and isolated from family,
friends, and social activities, etc.
- One feels entitled to be in control, decide how things will be, get
his or her own way all the time, wants the other to agree and comply.
- Abuser often says, "I am sorry, it will never happen again"
but then is abusive again.
- One person feels more afraid, is hurt physically or emotionally, adjusts
behavior to accommodate the other, is "walking on eggshells"
not to upset the other. The other may be monitoring or stalking to know
every move.
- One is afraid to break-up, the other "won't let" partner
leave.
Note:
"The Gift of Fear" by Gavin Debecker & "Dating Violence:
Young Women in Danger" by Barrie Levy are the sources for much of
this page.
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