According to recent statistics, it is extremely likely that you or someone you know have experienced violence in a dating relationship. Dating violence can take many forms, including psychological and emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. It can occur in the context of casual dating or serious long-term relationships.
Psychological and Emotional Abuse
If a boyfriend or girlfriend humiliates, insults, or swears at you, you
are experiencing psychological and emotional abuse. Other examples include:
attempting to control a boyfriend or girlfriend's activities, trying to
destroy his or her self-confidence and self-esteem, and isolating the
person from other friends and family. Threats of violence are also abusive
and should always be taken seriously.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse includes such things as: hitting, slapping, punching, shoving,
kicking, biting, and hair-pulling. It also includes the use of a weapon,
such as a club, knife, or gun, against a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Both teenage boys and teenage girls report being victims of physical violence in relationships. Typically, however, teenage boys and teenage girls use physical force for different reasons and with different results. While both tend to report acting violently because they were angry, teenage boys are much more likely to use force in order to control their girlfriends, while girls more often act violently in self-defense.
Teenage girls suffer more from relationship violence, emotionally and physically. They are much more likely than teenage boys to have serious injuries and to report being terrified. In contrast, male victims seldom seem to fear violence by their dates or girlfriends, often saying that the attacks did not hurt and that they found the violence amusing.
Sexual Abuse
The term, sexual abuse, refers to forced or unwanted sexual activity or
rape. It is also considered sexual abuse to coerce or pressure someone
to engage in sexual activity or try to engage in sexual activity with
someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Teenage girls in heterosexual relationships are much more likely than teenage boys to suffer from sexual abuse.
How frequently does dating violence occur?
It is difficult to say because different studies and surveys ask about
it in different ways and get very different results. Some studies only
ask about physical abuse, while others include questions about psychological
and emotional abuse and sexual violence. Past estimates of dating violence
among middle school and high school students range from 28% to 96%.
One recent national survey found that 1 in 11 high-school students said they had been hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year. 1 in 11 students also reported that they had been forced to have sexual intercourse when they did not want to.
Far greater numbers of teens (as high as 96%) report emotional and psychological abuse in their dating relationships.
1. Know the early warning signs that you're in a dating situation or relationship that could have the potential to become violent.
If you're in a dating relationship that in any way feels uncomfortable, awkward, tense or even frightening, trust your feelings and get out of it. It could become, or may already be, abusive.
Always remember: You have every right to say no. No boyfriend or girlfriend has the right to tell ou what you can or should do, what you can or should wear, or what kind of friends you should have.
2. If you are in a violent, or potentially violent, relationship, take the following steps:
3. Be on the lookout for friends that may be in violent dating situations or relationships.
Do any of your friends' relationships show the warning signs listed above? Do your friends show signs that they have been physically abused or injured in some way?
Friends in abusive relationships may also:
If you suspect a friend is in a violent relationship, you might try to find out for sure by saying something like, "You don't seem as happy as usual" or asking in general terms, "Is there anything you want to talk about?" This non-confrontational and indirect approach may prompt your friend to reveal what's wrong. Listen without judging, condemning, or giving unwanted advice. If a friend wants help, suggest that he or she take the steps listed above in order to be safe and find help.
If you believe your friend is in serious danger, talk with an adult you trust immediately about your friend's situation so that you aren't carrying the burden by yourself. Do not try to "rescue" your friend or be a hero and try to handle the situation on your own.
4. Take action if you suspect that someone you know is being abusive.
If you feel you are not in danger, talk to the person about his or her use of violence, and make sure that the person understands that it is both wrong and illegal. If the person is ready to make a change, help him or her to get help.
5. If you are hurting someone else, have the courage to get help!
No matter what the other person does to provoke you, no matter how justified you feel, no matter what your friends do, it is never okay to harm someone else. Remember that physical and sexual violence are illegal and can land you in jail.
You can learn new ways to deal with your anger, to fight fair, to communicate, and to give and get love in relationships. Don't let shame or fear stop you-talk to a parent, a teacher, a religious leader, a doctor, a nurse, or a guidance counselor immediately. You also can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE, and they can direct you to individuals and groups in your community who can help you to make a change.
6. Work to educate other teens about dating violence.
Counsel peers, staff a hotline, or speak to classes about the signs of an abusive relationship and where to find help. Encourage your church or school to develop programs to educate teens about dating violence, and work to ensure that there are resources for teens that are being abused in your community.
For more information go to: Youth Violence Prevention
Fact Sheet
on Dating Violence-National Center for Injury Prevention and Control,
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/datviol.htm
This fact sheet provides an overview of the problem of dating violence
and provides information about factors that put victims and offenders
at risk for violence.
Fact Sheet
on Intimate Partner Violence-National Center for Injury Prevention and
Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/ipvfacts.htm
This fact sheet provides an overview of the problem of intimate partner
violence and its health effects. It provides information about factors
that put victims and offenders at risk for violence and describes prevention
and intervention strategies.
Dating
Violence: Sexual Integrity for Teens - National Network for Family Resiliency,
USDA
http://www.nnfr.org/adolsex/fact/adolsex_viol.html
This fact sheet provides information about types of dating violence, why
it occurs, warning signs, and steps teens can take to escape an abusive
relationship.
Violence Against Women Office
Website - U.S. Department of Justice
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo
The Department of Justice, through its Violence Against Women Office,
provides an overview of the problem on a national scale, and also provides
information about state-by-state activities and resources.
Intimate Partner
Violence - U.S. Department of Justice, May, 2000
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/ipv.htm
This document provides statistical information on violence by intimates
(current or former spouses, girlfriends, or boyfriends) from the National
Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS).
This page last reviewed February 22, 2002.