Jealousy
“Why am I so jealous?”
-past experience
-history in family of origin: an individual who is prone to jealousy may have problems with low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, fear of vulnerability, or fear of abandonment
-reason to question boyfriend/girlfriend?
“Why we do it?”
-Want to be in control….in life there are some things that are out of your control“What to do?”-Learn to trust
Have a heart to heart talk with your significant other. Discuss trust and being faithful. Make an agreement that you will never be unfaithful to one another. If you are not happy in the relationship and you want to date other people, then you will break up. Learn to “let go” of your jealousy and “trust” he will be faithful. Pray about it.
Make an effort to no longer engage in the self-defeating behavior. If you are questioning or making accusations, stop the behavior immediately. Whether you need to literally bite your tongue, go to another room, or talk to a friend, don't allow yourself to continue with this destructive behavior. Usually people engage in this behavior because initially it is reassuring to them and makes them feel better. But remind yourself that feeling better is just temporary and that it is a destructive behavior that must stop.
Challenge the irrational thinking styles frequently. Identify how your thinking is irrational. Write down why you are having these jealous thoughts. Consider keeping a journal of the times when you feel strong feelings of jealousy. Write down what causes you to feel this way, the specific trigger, your reactions, your feelings.
Work on improving your self-esteem if you feel insecure, you might share these feelings with your significant other and talk about ways he/she can help you feel more secure. If you are afraid of feeling vulnerable, you may decide to take small risks of sharing yourself, your feelings, and your fears with your significant other. Sometimes the process of developing awareness and challenging irrational beliefs may be too difficult to accomplish alone and a person may need assistance from a therapist.
"Challenging fears and facing vulnerability will create a more solid and open relationship."
Nina Rios-Doria, MA LPC
Relationship Coach