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Dr. Nina,

My friend and I have this other friend that we used to hang out with all of the time until she met this guy. This guy was controlling and jealous and he pulled her away from everybody. When things didn't work out, she was back into our life and really sad and upset. We had warned her about him but she didn't listen. Then, a few months later, she got back with him and now they broke up again and she's calling us. We are just tired of her drama and want to be her friend but don't want to be pulled back into it again. What should we tell her?

Cecilia

Cecilia,

Dr. Nina It sounds like you have been good friends to her through it all. You both warned her about him but she continued dating him anyway. Often, this happens. In life, many people have to experience things on their own even though everyone around them is telling them to run from it. Unfortunately, she got pulled back into his world again and the same thing happened. I would tell her that you both care about her and that she is always welcome to hang out with you both but that you are not going to be consumed talking about her ex-boyfriend. Tell her you have been down this road once and you won't do it again because it's been mentally draining on both of you. It's important that you are honest with her and how you feel about the situation. In friendships and relationships, we need to take care of ourselves too and make sure that we are not taking on more then we should in a relationship with anyone.

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Experience:
I have counseled adolescents and young adults. Many of them I have worked with have come from very difficult and challenging backgrounds. I have worked with a variety of backgrounds such as Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian. I've worked on many issues concerning drugs and alcohol, anger, relationships, family relationships, depression, and divorce. I also have worked with children and their families.

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Recommended Books:

• Any Books by Dr. Wayne Dyer
• Any Books by Joyce Meyer
• Pursuit of Passionate Purpose,
  by Dr. Theresa Szczurer
• Your Best Live Now, by Joel Osteen
• The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate, by Gary Chapman
• Boundaries in dating, by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Don't Give it Away, by Iyanla Vanzant- A workbook of self awareness and self affirmation for young women.
• Be Your Own Best Friend, by Dr. Thomas Whiteman
• How long does it hurt?, by Cynthia Mather.A guide to recovering from incest and sexual abuse for teenagers, their friends, and their families.