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Inpirational Story:
Submitted online, June 2005
It was midway through my sophomore year
of college that everything came to a head. My boyfriend was
playing a lot of mind games with me, and I worried about
everything. I would worry that somehow, I had gotten pregnant
(although he and I hadn't had sex, I had myself convinced
that the sperm somehow found their way inside of me). I'd
worry that my boyfriend would stop loving me, I'd never find
anybody else, and I'd be alone for the rest of my life. I
also had a roommate who was a control freak. She always made
me afraid to come home, because she'd yell at me. We had
just moved into this apartment, and it was so quiet, so lonely.
I felt like I had no friends at school. I felt so down, but
at first, I wasn't too worried. I had felt like this before,
I had always had some insecurities, but they went away. I
thought that was going to be the case this time.
It wasn't. I remember it so vividly, it was a Tuesday in November, 16 days before
Thanksgiving. I broke down. I went to the student health center, and talked about
things with a doctor. She reassured me that there was a very, very good chance
I wasn't pregnant. We talked about depression, and that afternoon, I had an emergency
appointment with the counseling center. It was an hour-long meeting, and I had
never cried so hard in an hour. I think I went through a box of tissues in minutes.
After the meeting, I went to my class, and although I felt better after meeting
with the counselor, when the class let out, I called my parents (who are divorced).
My mom had just left for a trip, so my dad drove down to school the next day,
picked me up, and brought me home. We talked about a few things, and I talked
with my aunt about things. I remember sleeping on the couch those nights that
I was home, because I couldn't be in my room (which was downstairs), by myself,
at the time.
My dad and I talked about things, and I talked with my aunt. I did go back to
school that Sunday afternoon, and I started meeting one-on-one with a counselor,
as well as I joined a self-esteem group. My boyfriend left for his study-abroad
program (which was one of the things that kicked off my worrying), and I still
felt insecure. I moved out of my apartment and I moved back into the dorms. I
felt better with more people around, and that I was out of the apartment situation.
The self-esteem group did wonders for me. I have more confidence in myself than
I ever have. Every now and then, I have a few negative thoughts rush into my
mind, but I can easily squash them. My counselor helped out a little bit. It
was difficult to understand her, but she helped out a bit.
Fast forward to the beginning of my junior year of college, I had broken up with
the boyfriend. Things just didn't work out. I was hurt, but I knew it was going
to happen all along. I had a new beginning, in a new dorm with new friends. I
was also finally taking classes in my major (I switched my major during sophomore
year, which added some stress as well). I made a lot of great new friends, and
I also had a very supportive professor who helped me through some of my academic
struggles.
I also went back to the counseling center, but I requested a different counselor.
My new counselor was one of the leaders from my self-esteem group. We talked
about a lot of the new issues that I am facing, and although I'm not completely
at where I want to be, I can notice such a change even from a year ago. I also
made a new group of friends, who liked me for me and were always over, visiting.
I got the best GPA that I have ever received, and I have a new boyfriend. We
have been together for 8 months now, and we're still going strong. He treats
me so well, and I am so much happier than I was with my other boyfriend.
I don't know where I would be now if I didn't go to counseling. I did have one
slightly bad experience, but I just had to find a different counselor. Don't
give up if the one you are meeting with isn't helping (but also give it time--these
things don't change overnight). Try a new counselor. If you are a college student,
your university probably offers counseling services free of charge. If you are
a high school or junior high student, talk to a teacher or other adult that you
trust. People will not think you are weird for getting help. I was afraid of
that, and when I finally told a few people about what was going on, they applauded
me for getting help. They were so happy to see the change in me.
Finally, good luck. It's a long, tough road, but it's not impossible to pass.
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