Relationship Warning Sign Checklist...

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP- This is a good dating relationship for now.

• Both are feeling good about self, feel good individually whether in a relationship or not Shared interests, shared power and decision making, shared values
  
• Normal ups & downs, lots more ups than downs
  
• Can disagree and solve problems without verbal or physical abuse
  
• Relationship is one part of a well-rounded life of friends, family, school, sports, hobbies, Spiritual life
  
• Both enjoy the company of other people and support individual interests and friendships of their boyfriend/girlfriend

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP- This may have been a good thing once, but is no longer a well-balanced and enjoyable dating relationship- it is time to cut the ties to this relationship and move on...

• One or both are not enjoying the relationship much - lots of drama or boredom, not much fun
  
• Not many shared interests or values, or differ on important interests and values
  
• Can disagree and solve problems fairly, but there are a lot of disagreements and problems
  
• One partner sees relationship as much more important than the other one does- one is getting "too serious" or too dependent
  
• One partner has violated trust or hurt the other in a way that is hard to repair
  
• Have just grown apart- not very interested in each other any more- its more of a habit than anything else
  
• Feel sadness, hurt, anger, and failure about breaking up, but open to the possibility of new relationships

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP- Alarm bells going off. Someone is getting hurt and will probably need help with safety planning and support in order to safely break up.

• One has decreasing self-esteem since entering this relationship.
  
• The interests, values, desires of one person dominate the relationship.
• One is using name-calling, threats, intimidation, insults, manipulation, physical or sexual abuse to force the other one to do things.
  
• One or both are becoming more secretive and isolated from family, friends, and social activities, etc.
  
• One feels entitled to be in control, decide how things will be, get his or her own way all the time, wants the other to agree and comply.
  
• Abuser often says, "I am sorry, it will never happen again" but then is abusive again.
• One person feels more afraid, is hurt physically or emotionally, adjusts behavior to accommodate the other, is "walking on eggshells" not to upset the other. The other may be monitoring or stalking to know every move.
• One is afraid to break-up, the other "won't let" partner leave.

Helpful Links:

www.youthabuse.dhhs.tas.gov.au/index.html
Youth abuse in dating relationships. Please read for more information about other signs of abuse and read case studies, go to:

www.safe4all.org/help.html
A site for girls and guys that need help and advice getting out of an abusive relationship. Places and numbers are listed throughout the United States

For Victims Outreach in Dallas, TX Call (214) 358-5173

The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker and Dating Violence: Young Women in Danger by Barrie Levy are the sources for much of this page.