Are you co-dependent or interdependent in your relationship?

Are you co-dependent or interdependent in your relationship?

Have you ever felt like you aren’t getting enough out of the relationship that you are putting into it?

Do you often feel resentful because you feel you aren’t appreciated?

Do you always feel obligated to be the caretaker?

Is it difficult for you to express your wants and needs and say “no” when you don’t want to do something?

If you answered yes to these questions, then you may want to learn more about co-dependency.

As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.

Here is a way to explore your relationship and see where you stand.

Take this simple exercise:

Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page. At the top of the page, put the name of the person you are dating or someone close to you. In the left column, write down all the things you did last month for this person, whether they requested it or not. At the end of the item, put a “P” for pleasure or “R” for resentment to distinguish which emotion you really felt about this activity. In the right column, list all the things he or she did for you in the last month, whether you requested it or not.

Now, show this list to a nonjudgmental friend. If your list is weighted much more heavily on the “giving” side, then you might be selling yourself out to gain acceptance from others.

If you constantly treat others better then yourself and are frequently resentful about how loved ones are treating you, consider the possibility that you are out of balance, or possibly “co-dependent.”

I recommend you visit a counselor to explore this topic more and to learn more about why you may have become this way. Codependency is a learned behavior and you can relearn new behavior that will allow you to have that healthy relationship you have always wanted!

Dr. Nina